It's been over a year since I took that photo, and alot has change since then. But again alot has remained the same. I was twenty-nine years old in that photo can you believe it? And now I am twenty-done!... Yulp, time for me to focus and move forward with what I truly desire out of this life. I had fun, lots of fun, maybe too much at times. Can you have too much fun? Is it possible, I wonder? I knew on that day when I was living it up and just letting it all go, I was embarking on the "End of an Era". Era???, "End of an Era"...hmm? Let me ponder on that for just a sec... an end to all the "errors", ... or all the wrongs that I made, which now brings me to this question. If I could name the biggest error I made in this last era of my life, what would it be? Looking back through my own time capsule what was the defining point, is there a defining point? Or was it simply a series of choices that led to a catalyst of events that now have me sitting in front of my computer on a Sunday afternoon in a El Polio Loco, blogging about the lessons learn and the errors of my ways.
It sounds like I have so many regrets as you are reading this blog thus far, quite the contrary. Actually I don't, well I do, but in a more obscure way I think. I wish I had been more of a rebel and made many more mistakes, attempted more things and even allowed myself to fail at times. Instead I played it pretty safe, especially with my heart and my career, making the ultimate sacrifice...contentment. So now I am thirty and I watch my identity theft steeling, crazy alcoholic, pot smoking, cigarette puffing, coke sniffing, hippie-flippin, pill poppin, backstabbing, bipolar, buy-me-sexual, stripping, narcissistic friends become successful fashion designers, professional working actors, casting directors, international musicians, real estate Mongols, world travelers, spiritual gurus, happily married with children and American Idols, just to mention a few. While I other hand, the pure and chaste good girl remain ageless and content, with the lesser and in some cases none of the successes listed above.
I always thought that one was to be rewarded for good behavior, guess not. As the old saying goes “Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere!” is so very true. And as a wise women once told me Be Good, Be Bad, Just Be...in other words just be Authentic.
So last year, in my mind "My Naughty but Nice Birthday Bash" was supposed to be the "End of an Era", but maybe the error was in my thinking. Because if," Naughty- But- Nice" is what I am and truly want to be then why stifle it?
I remember that day very well. As opposed to taking the traditional have fun approach to a party; I chose to stand back, observe, and act as security detail. Since I was so out of my element, it brought the balance that I'm used to and allowed me to stay comfortable. I danced a little, I drank very little, and almost got zapped with a stun gun.
At the time, I never made my birthday an event. It was that night I decided that is was exactly what needed to happen for my next birthday.
This past December, a lot of liquor, rock n roll, and the fear of god passed through me. Realizing that my first raging, kick ass birthday was at age 30 and not my early 20's. Lots of life missed out on, led to me adopting my new philosophy.
Live you life free of fear
Get in it's face, stand tall, protect what I hold dear.
It's been over a year since I took that photo, and alot has change since then. But again alot has remained the same. I was twenty-nine years old in that photo can you believe it? And now I am twenty-done!... Yulp, time for me to focus and move forward with what I truly desire out of this life. I had fun, lots of fun, maybe too much at times. Can you have too much fun? Is it possible, I wonder? I knew on that day when I was living it up and just letting it all go, I was embarking on the "End of an Era". Era???, "End of an Era"...hmm? Let me ponder on that for just a sec... an end to all the "errors", ... or all the wrongs that I made, which now brings me to this question. If I could name the biggest error I made in this last era of my life, what would it be? Looking back through my own time capsule what was the defining point, is there a defining point? Or was it simply a series of choices that led to a catalyst of events that now have me sitting in front of my computer on a Sunday afternoon in a El Polio Loco, blogging about the lessons learn and the errors of my ways.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like I have so many regrets as you are reading this blog thus far, quite the contrary. Actually I don't, well I do, but in a more obscure way I think. I wish I had been more of a rebel and made many more mistakes, attempted more things and even allowed myself to fail at times. Instead I played it pretty safe, especially with my heart and my career, making the ultimate sacrifice...contentment. So now I am thirty and I watch my identity theft steeling, crazy alcoholic, pot smoking, cigarette puffing, coke sniffing, hippie-flippin, pill poppin, backstabbing, bipolar, buy-me-sexual, stripping, narcissistic friends become successful fashion designers, professional working actors, casting directors, international musicians, real estate Mongols, world travelers, spiritual gurus, happily married with children and American Idols, just to mention a few. While I other hand, the pure and chaste good girl remain ageless and content, with the lesser and in some cases none of the successes listed above.
I always thought that one was to be rewarded for good behavior, guess not. As the old saying goes “Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere!” is so very true. And as a wise women once told me Be Good, Be Bad, Just Be...in other words just be Authentic.
So last year, in my mind "My Naughty but Nice Birthday Bash" was supposed to be the "End of an Era", but maybe the error was in my thinking. Because if," Naughty- But- Nice" is what I am and truly want to be then why stifle it?
This is a very nice blog Felecia. Continue doing it you are very good at it.
ReplyDeleteI remember that day very well. As opposed to taking the traditional have fun approach to a party; I chose to stand back, observe, and act as security detail. Since I was so out of my element, it brought the balance that I'm used to and allowed me to stay comfortable. I danced a little, I drank very little, and almost got zapped with a stun gun.
ReplyDeleteAt the time, I never made my birthday an event. It was that night I decided that is was exactly what needed to happen for my next birthday.
This past December, a lot of liquor, rock n roll, and the fear of god passed through me. Realizing that my first raging, kick ass birthday was at age 30 and not my early 20's. Lots of life missed out on, led to me adopting my new philosophy.
Live you life free of fear
Get in it's face, stand tall, protect what I hold dear.